apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Randomize
