she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
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