Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
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