He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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