I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Randomize
