I'm gonna have a badass scar
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
