So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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