i would punch a child for taco bell
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
