help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
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