the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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