You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Im just a social blackout drinker.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
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