i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize
