I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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