On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
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