I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
Randomize
