i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
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