Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
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