A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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