Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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