Fine. I'll sleep in my office
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize