Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize