One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
