you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
