I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
My vagina is officially offended.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Randomize
