i permit you to call me
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
