I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Use "feeling words"
Yay
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
