kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
