She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Randomize
