I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Randomize
