this beer tastes like vomit already
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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