you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize