you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
