4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
Randomize
