You're a womanizer and a bitch.
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
