you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
Randomize
