We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
