Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Randomize
