Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
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