By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Randomize
