why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
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