The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Well I just put wine in my tea
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Randomize
