Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
