My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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