in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
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