Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
