I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
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