dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
well most of my day revolves around power hour
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
