in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Randomize
