So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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