we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
