There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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