Fine. I'll sleep in my office
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Randomize
