my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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