I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
New. Vanessa hudgens nude pics
That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Randomize