There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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