Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
