They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Randomize
