So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
Randomize
