He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
