LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
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