Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Also, beer. Big fan.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Randomize
