So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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