From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
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