I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
