A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
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