I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Randomize
