Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Randomize
