Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
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