Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
is that a dick in a sweater?
Randomize
