just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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