I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
Randomize
