Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
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