Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
