her vagine was all disorganized.
i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Randomize
