They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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